Raising Teens

I am not perfect at this…but I do believe we should Listen to our children especially when they are teens. Make sure you practice putting everything down when they walk into the room so you have time for them and look them in the eye. I wasn’t perfect at this as I would sometimes be on the phone and they would burst in the room and need to tell me something. I should have asked my friend to hold or call them back and listen. Sometimes I did and other times I forgot who was most important. 

I also still need to work on not interrupting them when they talk, such as trying to finish their sentences by assuming…or asking them a question before they have finished or completed their thought. This makes it hard for them to have continuous thought. I truly believe in this but have a hard time doing it. I get too impatient and think quickly to fill in the blanks and move right along to the end and beyond before they’ve voiced it.

Another thing I have learned is not to act or react startled when they confess or tell you something they or their friends are doing that might disturb you. You wouldn’t want a Bishop to yell out “You did What?!?!”  Neither should we.

If there needs to be discipline I like to have them help come up with the proper punishment. I found that they would obey better if they helped to create the rules. Example: If they were 10 minutes late on curfew, their curfew was 10 minutes earlier next time. If they called ahead of time and communicated why they would be late and it made sense to me then that was waived.

I have discovered that the most important words to practice saying when you listen to them are: “How do you feel about that?” and  “What are you going to do about that?”

This validates their feelings and empowers them by showing you trust them to make right choices. Remember Christ said to weep with those who weep, he didn’t say cheer them up…so validate their feelings.

Great Book recommendation

“I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better”

by the Lundbergs.

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Have-Make-Everything-Better/dp/0140286438